Biggest Lies
- just
- soon
- nothing
- one
- love you
- never
For some unknown reason, humanoids are full of bullshit. They lie to themselves, and also to others in their surrounding. They have a strong allergy to facts, and love truth. Who is capable to fluently, loudly talk bullshit is considered as expert, or simply the best!
Examples of usage
1. "JUST ONE beer." translates into a brutal party resulting in lots of fun, and time travel.
"It takes JUST a few seconds." translates into fuck up where you waste lots of time for nothing.
2. "Just one beer, darling...I'll be right back [SOON]" translates into the same result as example #1, but also a false promise to shut up your partner.
3. "Darling, what is going on?" usually followed by awkward dismissive silence and the final word "NOTHING" most likely one of the most dangerous words coming from the mouth of a female humanoid. It usually results in life hazard of male humanoid or silent treatment, sexless weeks.
"NOTHING can happen, just go for it." The usual last words after some great idea. Every great idea starts with, "Hey man, hold my beer."
4. same as the example #1. "Just ONE sec[ond], please." translates into an excuse that you didn't carry on the job you were supposed to do while promising you bring it SOON. "Men think only about ONE." The usual excuse of frigid females of humanoid. I do not know ladies, but I rarely think about ONE. If I go out, I am thinking about at least five beers!!!
5. Imagine your friend is having a party for a newborn kid. You promised your partner, that you will be a good boy and stay at home this time. Sitting on coach, eating crap, and pretending to like her stupid TV show you do not understand...while hoping, you get some bed action later on.
Phone rings... "Darling, Dave got a new baby girl. He calls me to celebrate new life. JUST ONE drink, I'll be right back [SOON]. LOVE YOU....kisses"...there is silence, your partner says NOTHING. You just run away, naively thinking you'll be back in no time...
6. as shown in the example #5, it rarely goes well. JUST ONE beer translates in to five beers in Moravia (part of the Czech Republic). People usually say "I drink two beers, and go home." meaning 10 beers, and go home...the usual warm up for the weekend. You woke up on Sunday at 10am after JUST ONE beer on Friday...you just realized, you promised your wife you visit her stupid parents you hate.
No money left, you run for your life...reaching your home...you feel the wrath of your wife at a distance larger than 20 metres. In better case, she just yells how stupid/immature you are...you have just a flashback from the party, and try not to laugh. You are hangover, and remain silent because you have a hard time not to laugh.
But you are still propelled to say something smart, that will "resolve" the fuck-up you caused. "I LOVE YOU, darling." You do not mean it because love is just a social engineering created for entrance to female pants. Female humanoid loves to hear this bullshit, and it usually reduces tension...
You feel like a hero that "resolved" this problem...you get an epiphany, "NEVER again. I will NEVER ever drink again." Not only you lie to yourself, but also to others...Of course, it repeats itself next Friday.
